I Am With You Always
February 6th, 2009I Am With You Always
By Sister Mary Dianne Ackerman
(Cheju Island, South Korea)
The greatest gift God ever gave me was the gift of His presence in the Eucharist when I became a Catholic at the age of 15. From that time on, His true presence in the Eucharist has become the home of my heart. Through the many difficulties and struggles I had as a young person, and throughout my whole life, I could always come before Him and be strengthened with His love.
I entered the Poor Clare Monastery in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 1955. There, too, my life was centered on the Eucharist through Mass and daily exposition of the Blessed Sacrament.
In 1968, I was part of a group of sisters from the monastery that made a new foundation in Korea. In the midst of uncertainty as to whether or not I would have the grace and inner strength needed for this endeavor, the one thought that gave me the courage to volunteer for the foundation was this: “Even though I am weak, the Blessed Sacrament will be there. Just as Jesus has given me His grace and strength here, He will continue to be with me in Korea just as much as He has been with me throughout my life.”
Although I have received countless graces and insights through Jesus’ Eucharistic presence, one experience in particular stands out in my memory. I was making a private directed retreat here in Korea, and, as I recall, the many hours of prayer each day were not easy. I was pretty much struggling along.
One night, during my hour of prayer in chapel, nothing seemed to be happening, and I dozed off for a while. Suddenly I woke up, and there was Jesus! Of course, I did not see Him, but His presence was more real to me than I had ever experienced in being with any other person. I was overwhelmed with joy!
My retreat director had told me that I was not to pray for more than an hour, and my hour was at an end. What should I do? I could have stayed there forever, but thought the Lord would be more pleased if I followed what my director had indicated. So, I reluctantly dragged myself away and went to my room where the experience of the Lord and His love lingered on for a while.
I woke up the next day very eager to meet Jesus again as I had the previous night. However, when I went to chapel to pray, the tabernacle seemed totally empty, and I was as dry as a stick. Five minutes of prayer seemed like an hour, and I could barely endure the time. Then, the Lord’s grace touched my heart in a different way. The happy thought came to me that Jesus was just as much present now in my darkness and dryness as He was the night before when I experienced Him in such a felt way.
His presence does not depend on my feelings. He does not change, but is with us in times of difficulty and suffering as much as He is with us in times of joy and consolation. It is a matter of faith. This thought has continued to strengthen me at different times throughout my life. Whatever our situation is, whatever we are feeling or experiencing, the Lord is truly with us, embracing us, loving us, and giving us His grace.
It has been such a great privilege to live in the house of the Lord. Just as Jesus has been the home of my heart, I pray that this poor heart of mine may always be a home for Him where He is pleased to dwell.
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jeffreyhowardmay said:
Thank you Sister. I am forwarding a paper copy ofthis to my mother Bernice May, who baby sat you when you were growing up. She is now 89 years old and going strong. She attends mass every week in Minneapolis in the summers or in Florida in the winters.
I was a Peace Corp volunteer in Seoul in 1969 and 1970. I am planning on coming back to Korea in October of 2010 with my wife for a reunion.
Good bless you for your work. I will pray for your continued sucess.